You Cause the Best Kind of Pain

You send searing tears down my cheeks. A shiver down my spine. Your kiss brings hatred, your voice a shudder. Your words bring lies, undetected. Your face declares a two-fisted glare. The thought of you brings utter distress. You cut my wounds open again. You have done no good. You beg for my forgiveness, but that's just a different kind of torture. Your pleading gets you nothing and along comes the numb. You make me go numb in every limb, in my heart and in my head. A cloud of steaming, burning, aching fog. A throbbing brain. Blinded eyes with no darkness. No protection, but I don't mind. A rocking in my heart. The cord's been cut. There is no more connection, only pain.The pain is too great, but it's the best kind. The kind that stays long past its welcome. You brought it on and I loathe you for that. For now and always, it is ONCE UPON A NIGHTMARE!

I'm Happier Now That I Have What I Wanted All Along

I'm happier now that I'm free of you. I got what I said I'd get. I did my part and I don't care if you do your's. I'm still not pleased with your face. I think about what I have now all the time. I smile at his name now, not your's. I'm free, I'm free, I'm free! I left you in the dust.

I can't stop thinking about the worst day ever, the day I met you

The worst day ever was the day I met you my "heart breaker", my friend, my advice giver. I wish I'd never met you things surely would be fine. I really don't miss you when you're not here, I never have and never will. I'm sorry if I break your heart, but nothing hurt worse the day you crossed my mind, you blurred my vision, my sense of sight, you made me straight up blind. I never meant to lie, but I did there for awhile. If I sent you mixed messages I'm now out of your range I wish I could stay out forever, but time ceases to end. I'd mend your heart if you'd go away, stay away for real. Not petty this or petty that "I have a broken hand." I refuse to ever say that I did love you 'til the end and nor were you my other shoe.

Mef and it's Meaning

Mef: a fairly uncommon term used as a substitute for grunts, moans, whatever's or WTF's. I personally believe "mef" is a great word, but like I said it's just my opinion...so I hope that cleared up any questions you had about "mef." If I do use it you will fully and completely understand mef and it's meaning!

One in a Million

If I had the chance to describe myself and feelings with a million words among the first ten would be hatrid, resent, $*** and anti-social. My life is way to hard to take. With every step I make there's a certain price that I pay. I live for today not tomorrow or yesterday. I take baby steps when I think that I might break the smile on my face. It's fake as you now know. I try so hard to wake each day with at least half of that fake smile on the face I must call mine. I worry about appearence, but only with the blind. It's horrifically, disasterously, dangerously true. If you knew I had a least favorite word, which I do, I bet you'd say smile since mine's fake, but actually it's love 'cause that's even easier to break.

If I Ever

If I ever were to be happy it would be at my funeral. If I ever exsisted in a past-life it sucked. If I ever win it's rigged. If I ever smile it's fake. If I ever wish it's a dream. If I ever love I still won't understand it. If I ever live I must be dead. If I ever hope I'm acting like a kid again.

In an all too perfect world...

In an all too perfect world....life is great, almost happy, but the world isn't meant to be perfect. It's flawed, and scarred. It's damaged goods, goods never to be repaired, like the red sock in the load of whites. It ruins all in it's burdened path,but we all know life is just ONCE UPON A NIGHTMARE

How to make life better-ish.

Maintain good posture with your feet pointing forward, this will give the illusion of balance and inner well being
Shower before going out the fresher you smell and look makes you appear clean, tidy and seem as if you have the power to get up in the morning-y hours (wet curls are always a head turner)
Be shy and be nice
Always remember to put on your best fake smile and welcome everyone to your home
If your going to someone else's house ring the doorbell only after the 4 stroke knock
Always put the make-up on right...that means mascara and and eyeliner applied lightly
 Go for the natural look put a gold or tan blush on the cheekbones. (this makes it seem like you give a $***)
Life is always better with lemon smelling a fresh lemon during dark hours lifts you up and energizes as well
Keep your attire loose but not stingy or depressing
Put a clear coat on your nails and most importantly
RELAX! A little meditation will calm you down and bring peace to those in your inner circle ;)
Follow these rules and it will seem like life isn't always ONCE UPON A NIGHTMARE!

The Edge of the Bridge

The bridge is long, cold and drafty. It is dead in the midst of the night and alive at the break of day. It calls to me in a breeze like voice, taunting me "You won't stay , you won't jump. Why won't you jump,  jumping is good. YOU MUST JUMP!" I want ever so badly to obey the voice, the one that fills my head all day with wonderful, wonderful thoughts of the bridge. The bridge has a red wooden roof in the shape of a half octagon. The planks beneath my feet squeak and the voice begins again. I can see the willow tree on the bank ahead, but the bridge doesn't extend that far it stops a mere three feet short. If I jump I fall to my death. Below is a deep, bubbling brook with purple and gray rocks. It's a hard decision to make, one that won't be decided for me. I spread my arms apart like a dove does in a magicians hands, but this won't be magic of any sort. Quite desolate if I might say, possibly saddening to the happy ones. I took a step forward and bowed my head in slight disgrace. I took one deep breath and let all of the word collapse around me as I became a puppet forced to jump in to the liquid death of the brook. Life must end one way or another and that was the perfect way. I now lay under the willow tree I worked so hard to get to. And it's all ONCE UPON A NIGHTMARE!

It can, and will, happen to everyone, but me!

In the perfect world YOU live in it's black or white. Hot or cold. Up or down and even left or right. In MY world there's gray, lukewarm, halfway and straight. You were popped out of your mother on a fairly nice day like ALL the others, bundled up and sent a way to a quaint little nursery down the hall. Your mother happily took time to rest before SHE was whisked away to see YOU, the perfect end to the BEST day ever. Years later I was born to say the MOST. They hastily wrapped me up and trudged away pure hatrid in there eyes while I lay unaware of the horribly COLD and HEARTLESS life awaiting me when I left those hospital doors. Oh, and did I mention I was Aryan... even Hitler would have loved me! I'll get to the point now. NO more than five years later had MY life been turned upside down! MY father was gone, MY mother was headed for rehab and I was off to "Nana's". I was nor excited  nor unhappy, but at least the "I hate you's" and the "You were the worst thing that ever happened to me's" would stop! I thought! If MY life were a cloud it would be a rain cloud if YOUR life were a cloud it would be white and fluffy! Life is AMAZING-ly suckish! It ISN'T the petty life YOU may live it's actually quite a smack in the face! A wake-up call, a splash of cold water during a wonderful dream! Actually it's ONCE UPON A NIGHTMARE!